Script Doctor Eric
And the Logline Friday winner for Friday, January 28th, 2011 is…
Kim Britt!
In a futuristic society where people are born knowing the exact day they will die, a man is forced to go on the run when he exceeds his life-expectancy and suddenly finds himself hunted by government agent desperate to discover how he cheated the system and keep the information from leaking.
Though a little wordy, Kim’s logline gets the point across. Before sending it out, she may want to rewrite it, making it as concise as possible, but ensuring the reader understands two things:
1. It’s a world where people know the date of their death.
2. One guy is able to cheat the system…and is on the run.
If the government agent is important to the plot, then he might have an alternative reason for searching for our hero…maybe he works for a dictator who wants to live forever? Maybe HE wants to live forever? Or his son is supposed to die soon – and he wants to save him? … ?
Congrats again to Kim who wins FREE NOTES on the first five pages of any script she wishes to send my way.
Does her name sound familiar? That’s because Kim won Logline Friday way back in October of 2010. (Read her winning logline) Nice job, Kim!
If you didn’t win this week, take a good look at your loglines. Do they reveal the most enticing aspect of your story? Can you hook the reader even more?
Make changes and submit again this Friday!
Good luck, and…
Onward!
-Eric
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